It is killing me to write this but it's one of those things that I have decided is something I need to do to help bring closure. Unfortunately a blog post is one of the worst methods of communicating this, in my opinion, but I am doing it anyways because then everyone knows, I only have to go through this once and maybe, just maybe, articulating it in words will do something to move me forward.
Another one of my dear creatures passed away on Monday, Whistle. It seems like this one has been the hardest for me to come to terms with. I don't know if it because I have known her for the entirety of her life, so have been responsible for her health and wellbeing or because she was still so young and seemed perfectly healthy. Whistle and Trouble were always my favourites of the baby pigs, they were the smallest and have always seemed just a little bit more delicate than the others. Maybe part of it is that I know that I haven't been giving the other critters the most attention since we have been trying to increase Troubles weight, and that if I had, maybe I would have noticed something was different, or wrong. Or my theories that if I had been there a bit sooner I could have changed the course of action, or at least held her. I just don't know.
I keep telling myself that she isn't alone, that Trilby will be so happy to see her, one of his babies, again, but it really isn't helping. That she is nice and cozy in the fleece sleeping bag we made her but all I can think of is her being cold and alone, and that this past while hasn't been full of as much love and attention a little piggy can handle and I will never be able to change that.
Something must have known though; Sunday night I was feeling guilty about her and Oreo getting so little attention and mom was lying on the couch so I gave her a pig to hold, I don't know why I chose Whistle, but am I glad I did. I am so happy that she did get that one last loved-pig moment, I just wish I had been the one to give it.
Okay, I need to stop, I am a wreck again and I am just spieling away, making it painfully clear how truly pathetic I am. Sorry folks, if each time gets worse for me, when we are middle-aged with dying parents, I am going to be in horrible shape. Escape now while you still can.
4 comments:
Oh, Hermit! That is so sad! I wish I could be there right now. Imagine me giving you a great big hug.
You can't beat yourself up over this. Believe me, she knew you loved her. Anyone who looks at your creatures for a second can tell how much you care for them. I don't think you could have done anything. The truth of the matter is bad things happen without warning all the time, and there is nothing you can do about it. She had a home that was so full of love, and that is all that matters.
It sucks that those we love have to leave us. It's horrible, and I wish it didn't happen, and you can never be prepared for it. All I can say is that I will never leave you, no matter what, and neither has Whistle, not really. I know it sounds trite and cliche, but she will always be in your heart.
Oh Hermy, I SO wish I was there with you. To hug you, and to tell you in person what a wonderful piggy mother you are. You love your creatures, and I know Whistle knew this. Like Ali said, anyone who knows you, and knows your pigs, knows how much you care fo r your pigs, and how much your pigs love you.
Whistle is gone to keep Trillby company, and she will always be near you. She really will. I also will never, ever leave you, and god, I love you so much. This is so awful that you have to go through this, and not have all of your support system there. MAN I wish I could just leave school and come give you a hug, and cry with you, and bake cookies and eat them all with you, and just be there to love you in person.
I am so sorry this had to happen. Don't blame yourself, how could you prepare for it? I love you, you are wonderful. An amazing friend, pet owner, and person.
See you in a few weeks <3
Oh Hermit, I'm sorry. It's not your fault at all, you are by far the best mommy of pets than anyone I know. I am going to give you a long distance hug now, ok? ...
Ok, and at christmas, I will give you a real one. I am sure that whatever was wrong, Whistle is happier now, and she still loves you a lot. I know I don't check these blogs a lot, and I don't write in mine, but I really miss you and wish I could be there to help you now.
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